A Little Help

Strategic Helmholtz Alliance
Warholian Arts, Inc.
Rosenberg & Associates (note the ampersand -- very important)
Hello Dali Surrealist Fish!
Enron

And building on Mayan myth:
Ah Puch & Sons (see above)
ZiPacNa, Inc. (there has to be some way to make that a pseudo-acronym)

Of course, it really depends on where the storyline is going and what Jon's ultimate plan is (assuming there is one, I suppose). And we won't know that until we, um, know that.

Mag Mell Enterprises - The Mayans were all 'grr' and playing football with your head, the Celts are a much more fun-loving crowd. Plus, there's whiskey!

Xibalbucks - Purveyors of Tasty Beverages and Multiverse Design.

The business model should change to Soul Proprietorship (if it isn't already).

For some reason, I like the name hot.devl.crunch (misspelling of devil intended). It has all the Web 2.0 features- misspellings, TechCrunch tie-in, lower case words, dots,everything.

XibalbaDyne Systems

Xibalba - the X is for Xenu!

Xibalba Oat Crunchies

Generation Xibala

XGenDyneConForestZooGarden

The Ann Coulter Experience.

... they are in Hell after all, right?

In Response to acolin (#40878):

for ideal branding purposes, I'd stick with Xibalba Consulting and merely invent a new tagline and new marketing/branding campaign. How about:

Xibalba Consulting
Saving your ass from the pit of Azel*

or Xibalba Consulting
ensuring your Corporate Success from the depths of Hell

and then you need an online marketing campaign. Some added value free gimmick that will make potential clients give you all their information and agree to receive a sales call. Perhaps you can offer a free PowerPoint presentation with instructions on running an online marketing campaign. You have to send this offer to a slew of potential clients - if you don't have the list you can offer to trade services to another company who has a good list for you.

Also, get some travel mugs and desk toys with the logo and the new Xibalba slogan made and send them to all of your loyal customers. Remind them that your good work keeps them employed in their jobs in a subtle yet disturbing way.

*Azel, for anyone who doesn't know, is the pit where the ancient Israelites went to sacrifice animals. We don't actually have "Hell" in Judaism so in Hebrew we say "Lech l'Az Azel" which translates directly to go to the pit of azel but since we don't sacrifice animals today, the meaning is "Go sacrifice yourself!" As Jon is the acting CEO, the tagline could just as easily incorporate Jewish themes as Mayan.

**and you made me finally register. I guess the lonely goathert is gone for good.

Rose O'Donnell's Vagina, LLC.

I just felt compelled to mention that my father (another J. Rosenberg) used to work for Wang Computer Systems, around the time that they changed their name to Wang Global. This was when I was of the age that, to me, the name "Wang Global" was the most hilarious thing possible.

Smilin' Skull Systems - "Your solution is just a smiling skull away" Complete with smiling skull logo, of course.

InitHell - no comment.

Flaming Pony Happiness Surprise - Just think of the T-shirts!

Kali Ma Enterprises - We won't burst just an aorta to get the job done! (Yeah, I know, mixing mythologies. But think of the logo!)

REO SpeedData - "Dude, we're much better than Styx."

Ubermensch Technologies - "Making something out of your nothing."

Ugly Kitten Corp. - just for the hell of it.

Center for the Recently Deceased
"You'll have a hell-of-a-time or we'll give you your soul back."

Since this is Goats, we can't have something that'd be *too* tasteful...

SkullFucker, Inc.

"We ram your ideas right out of your brain and make them reality."

Hellsinky Inc.-y
"We were here first you damn Fins - go back to the Ikea you came from!"

In Response to Evander (#40896):

This was when I was of the age that, to me, the name "Wang Global" was the most hilarious thing possible.

I preferred not to outgrow that age. Your loss.

In Response to sakuruth (#40906):

I preferred not to outgrow that age. Your loss.

I'm just glad your body disagreed.

I like Happy Puppy Killers, LLC

I find a LLC has more the dictatorial promise of...well... a dictator.

Also the ambiguity will drive you mad. Are they killing happy puppies, or are they happy people that kill puppies...perhaps sad goth puppies that are into hell...

Incumbitech "We screw you 'till dawn."

Sex Dwarf Probes and Dongles "We know where to put it."
I miss that guy.

Demiurge Crative Enterprises "We didn't make the universe, we just made it more constrictive."

OmniDom "Like the prostate exam of life, and boy are our fingers cold."

'The Xibalba Group'

'XC'

'Xibalanique'
[godchecker.com]

In Response to Littleghost (#40898):

Kali Ma Enterprises - We'll burst more than just an aorta to get the job done! (Yeah, I know, mixing mythologies. But think of the logo!)

^edited to make more sense grammatically*

In Response to zamphir (#40907):

+1 Creepy Old Man.

Hyper HellBeans Ltd. "When you want your ass to burn like the last circle of hell, think of beans. Hyper Hell Beans" *big commercial smile*

Okaymaybenot

In Response to tynic (#40912):

+1 Creepy Old Man.

You do still love me.

Xibalbr (beta)

You could always stick with the donut thing.
CrullerCorp BearClaw Consulting

Or how about:
Trepanation Corporation
Machu Punch-You
Azathoth Unlimited
The Freak Squad

If this were Achewood you would be able to get away with "Nice Young Men Who Will Fix Your Website And Some Are Not Demons LLC".

I think Jon really wants Taco Pants Systems just so he can put in a joke about TPS reports.

In Response to zamphir (#40918):

Indeed, Zamphir. Love is in the air/ Everywhere I look around/ Love is in the air/ Every sight and every sound
You're not creepy to me :)

My ISP used to be Blarg.net but they rebranded themselves as Avvanta... just because somebody in Marketing thought it was a good idea.

I love the cheerful names used nowadays by enormously evil transnational megacorps: "Altria", "General Dynamics", "DynCorp", etc. Perhaps one of the weirdest was when my former employer (once upon a time as New England Telephone, then NYNEx, then Bell Atlantic) decided to make up the name "Verizon" when they merged with GTE.

If you could just find some way to combine elements of "Blackwater", "Kellogg, Root, and Brown", and "Enron", people would probably quake in terror at the mere mention of such a Xibalban corporate entity. How would it go? "BlackRon EnWater"? "El Ron Black Hubbard"? "DynCorpoDianetics"?